I'm not lazy. I'm just not a morning person. Don't get me wrong. I love morning; I love watching the sun rise. Some of my most profoundly happy moments were spent in my childhood bedroom, sitting by an open window as night slowly transitioned to morning. But it wasn't hard to be awake at 6am because I'd had a 4-6 hour head start, and I could go back to sleep for a couple more hours.

Now I'm a grown up, and I have a daughter in 8th grade. She's got more energy than I've ever had in my 52 years c… Continue

I just got used to writing 2009 on my checks!

Who uses checks anymore??

Well, I could sit here and recount all the curious and often hazardous activities of the previous 364, but I simply cannot remember most of it, and no one took notes like they were supposed to... can't I trust any of you?

One more semester until I can wave a college diploma in the faces of my family. That may reduce my 2010 Christmas card haul, but it's a risk I'm willing to take.

I will say this: every day from here unt… Continue

I would like you all to check out my new site.

It's basically a site that will eventually show off my writing skills...if you can call them skills!

I love writing comedy, and only recently i have started doing it again...i'm sorry if i'm a little rusty.

Here's the link.

http://lozzykinz.posterous.com/

Dear FNed:

I am so totally thrilled to be writing you this letter. Just last month, I had all of my fingers sawed off by a jealous lover. TOTALLY uncalled for. Thanks to the miracle of modern science, however, I have a brand-spanking-new set of cybernetic digits which can shoot poison darts, fire laser beams, mix a perfect fuzzy navel, or [edited for content] with the greatest of ease and pleasure.
Anyway, as thrilling as this is, I’m not sure why I’m even writing to you at all. Aren’t you the… Continue

Luckily, clouds covered the moon and I transformed back to human form. I was able to duck back into the house before I devoured an entire family. This lycanthropy is getting to be a pain in the necktie. And it's not even funny enough to make a sitcom of it. Of course, if it were an American sitcom, it wouldn't be funny anyway.

Monterey Jack Cheese turns 70 today. He's very much like Mickey Rooney, except taller, English, and much younger. Oh, and nothing like him, personality wise; I have not,… Continue